If ever I was confident enough to start a fight, I’d probably open with something like, “I’m going to update your status with my fist!” It may get some laughs before anyone notices I can’t actually fight.

I watched an episode of Dawson’s Creek for the first time today. It was like sitting through a 30-minute Young Life meeting. And yes, that’s including the subplots of adulterous parents and the student-teacher fantasy, and the excess of neutral-colored clothing. It’s quite different than the angsty high school years portrayed in My So-Called Life, which aired only a few years before Dawson’s Creek. It’s like you can almost pinpoint where (white) youth became completely sterilized.

Does not compute.

I love traveling. I think it’s in our blood in our family. Gramma would take us on lengthy drives in the summers to the Midwest when we were kids. And once my brother and I were old enough, we got passports and started traveling overseas with Tom. I think that if I had the means and the freedom, I would probably spend most of my life wandering the globe, which reminds me of something a guy once said to me at a party, that I seemed to be more comfortable just being a spectator. Indeed.

I’ve been going through the tons of photos Tom and I took during our trip to Vienna last month, though I’m not yet quite sure how to post them, as I prefer to eliminate the practice of writing such ridiculously dense blogs that take weeks to finish. The trip kind of happened on a whim. Tom had plans for one of those guided tours around India this spring, and I had intentions of going, too. It’s a more ideal time for me to travel because these annual meetings at work tend to make most summer travel prohibitive. And, Tom always goes to a number of great places every year. Matt got to join him for most; I’ve missed out on quite a lot. With the possibility of work creating a scheduling conflict again this year, thus keeping me from going on the India trip, I begged Tom to postpone so I could still go somewhere with them, too (in that typical, baby-of-the-family tag-along fashion). Tom kind of said, OK, but asked what the alternative destination should be.

Where do you want to go? That is the kind of question that momentarily makes traveling anywhere possible till the realities of time and expense kick in. We rattled off some possibilities, and then our eyes strayed to Europe. Maybe we could go back to Rome. Or Athens. Or maybe we would finally see Germany. I suggested Austria. There were ads on the metro last summer and the stock photos somewhat resembled Amsterdam, another gorgeous city (although one unfortunately overshadowed by American’s fondness for its “coffee shops” and other rare permissions). It was sort of a mindless suggestion, like the way advertising puts certain inexplicable notions in your head; I just wanted to go, I didn’t really know why. Tom did a quick estimate of what it would cost to go and stay in Vienna, and we looked at lists of things to see out there. It became a viable contender and so for now, the trip to India would be put on hold. We were going to Vienna!

I hesitate to call it the Best Trip Ever, only because my brother wasn’t able to go at last minute. But, I really loved Vienna. A lot! It was like glimpsing a better way of life. Where the Dream hadn’t yet been squandered. Mind you, we were viewing everything through the lens of a tourist, but Austria’s capital city seems prosperous enough. It’s breathable. It’s not so overcrowded. There’s no fear of being trampled at any moment the way you might when trying to share a sidewalk with hoards of people in a place like New York City. The food was wonderful and wonderfully inexpensive. The weather was ideal. And the Viennese were so polite, I couldn’t imagine returning to the obnoxious slobs I frequently encounter back home. In fact, there seemed to be this strange, understood sense of civility and order in Vienna. Tom remarked how patiently people waited at the crosswalks for the signals to change, even when it was apparent that there was no oncoming traffic. And, the subway fares were collected on the honor system.

Vienna isn’t a place that Americans flock to as often as other parts of Western Europe, and because the dominate language is German, Tom and I remained pleasantly isolated. It was, for several days, our little slice of Heaven.

More words and pictures to follow soon.

Leaving the Naschmkrt at sunset.

It’s ten minutes to midnight and I haven’t got anything meaty to post. So instead, I offer some trivia from the School of Fail blog. An infographic (as the kids say) about musicians who have their doctorate degrees. May this teach you kids an important listen: stay in school. Don’t do drugs. And learn a few simple guitar chords in case you need something to fall back on.

On a side note, The Offspring would have had two of their own on the list, had Dexter Holland completed his PhD in molecular biology. He’s still got a bachelors and masters in the subject, which earned him a mention in Cracked’s “8 Celebrities You Didn’t Know Were Geeks.”

(click on the graphic to enlarge)

The new job is a mobile workplace. We got laptops instead of desktops. And when I started last month, I was issued a Blackberry. My first remote connection to never-ending company communication.

Today, I was issued an iPhone, which will eventually replace the Blackberry. I carried it back to my office with my other two phones (including my personal phone) and laid them out on my desk. Just as I am coming to terms with the fact that I spend way too much time in my day rapt by these devices (it isn’t good for the eyes, much less my social skills), I now have this slick new phone just begging to played with. My fingers were just twitching with the eagerness to download and customize. Goddammit!

And so begins the plan for some self-imposed intervention. I will be handing the phones to the family with orders to lock them away during the visit back home this weekend. Maybe then I’ll be able to concentrate on reintegrating into the real world. I wonder if it is still as I remember.

Phil and I had hardly done anything with the house in the last two months, and for that reason, I was certain we were never going to get it on the market this year. But this weekend, we hunkered down, cleaned up, and made the place presentable enough to take some photos and pass them along to our real estate agent. As of Monday, we were allowed to stand in the front yard, wave our scepters, and officially declare this home For Sale! This makes me a first time home seller, and all before being a first time home buyer!

As a result, the house is as clean as it’s ever been. I didn’t think that was possible either. But, we’ve renovated and repaired. We moved a lot of our crap into storage, and donated a lot more elsewhere. It’s almost like living in a furniture showroom, and I don’t want to leave. I want to stay here and and pretend that there is no storage unit, and that the gigantic, unused treadmill that used to occupy half of our living room is gone, and not sitting in our friend’s basement, waiting for a pickup. I want to live here, where things are of a manageable size. A comfortable amount.

Phil has a sort of mental list of features he’s like to have in the next place we buy. Seeing as how I agree with a lot of them, like having a dishwasher and an extra bathroom, I will save mine for more a more unique demand: to find someplace with a backyard as awesome as the spacious, landscaped one with the patio we have now. The one that has been the site of many a summer barbecue, corn hole, and the Great Slip n’ Slide Run of 2010, which produced a lot of worthy bruising. Obsessing over a yard made sound ridiculous, but when you live around the city, having a decent-sized plot of green to call your own is kind of a big deal.

Ah, heaven…

Well Phil, we made it to our first anniversary. Now we can get those t-shirts made!

Also, a happy fifth to Mr. and Mrs. C. who celebrated this weekend. It seems like only yesterday that DC was diving into a hotel swimming pool in a full tux.

Earlier this month, my excellent friend McD wrote: “One week from now I will have completed my masters degree. It’s all a little surreal. I never really thought I’d finish.” Today, she will be crossing the stage in her cap and gown. It’s not just any old graduate degree; she’s faced major challenges along the way.

Congratulations, McD, you’ve made us all proud. Now… can I get an AMEN?!!!

In confirming with the Internet McD’s claim that NBC did not entirely shoot themselves in the foot by cancelling one of the last of their well-written sitcoms, Parks & Recreation, I ran across two opposing petitions to the network — one asking NBC to cancel the show because, as the signers claim, it negatively portrays civil servants, and the other asking them to save the show, as it features strong female characters in leading roles. Signers of that first petition have no leg to stand on; Leslie Knope (Amy Poehler) is proud of her job in government and loyal to the town of Pawnee, sometimes to the point of being adorably naive. Ditto for her less naive sidekick, Anne (Rashida Jones). I’m sure some little doe-eyed girl out there is thinking… I want to be like Leslie Knope when I grow up (although non-fictional female inspirations would be just as nice).

In other news, there were petitions to trade axes… my favorite was to save Community and cancel Whitney instead. It didn’t take — the terribly unfunny Whitney survives for another season, much to the head-scratching of everyone who has ever seen it or even just the commercials.

This is my uncle, Tom. I shot this picture when we were in Athens one summer. This is how you’ll see him 99% of the time — behind a camera. He’s pretty awesome, taught me a lot about music and art and a zillion other things. Today is his birthday. Even if he doesn’t want to be reminded about that, I’m wishing him the best today.

This is my bud, Ansu. He’s the one on the far right looking away. I shot this picture at a pirate-themed bar last year. 99% of the time, he’s avoiding the camera. Here, he was tipsy enough to momentarily let his guard down. He’s pretty awesome, too. Taught me a zillion things as well. It’s also his birthday today. And I’m wishing him the best today, too.

Happy birthday, guys.