There’s that funny feeling again. The sense of saturation and restlessness. I could feel it as I stepped off the train and was walking to the office this morning. This is the first gorgeously sunny day we’ve had in a while. The kind where you’re just sort of lost deep in thought, and then
… wait for it…
…are you waiting?
…well stop waiting, because it happens naturally!
… oh look… Bam!
There’s something that reminds you of a great moment you had sometime, somewhere. That’s a hard one to explain. Sometimes, it’s olefactory memory. Sometimes just plain old visual. Too abstract to be worth explaining, really, you just know it when it hits you. Because in the current state of staleness, it’s a feeling that can possess you to the point of realizing that you just can’t get at it. It’s only momentary euphoria.
It’s perspective. Work is getting rather mundane, especially at the thought that the workload never seems to end, and I’m trying to find a good reason why people do this five days a week for so many weeks in their lives. There’s that general boredom with DC, too, which only seems to be coinciding with excess nickel and diming* and the fact that we have yet to see consistently warm days. Overall, buying into those expectations of calculated grandeur now seems, much like the cake**, non-existent to begin with. Then there’s that question… what to do?
The hushed lesson is that life is an ecology of restraint, which totally blows stupid mythologies like The American Dream. But that’s getting lofty. Normally, this is point where I’d just pick up and go… to extricate myself from having been more than just at arms length. But normally, I wouldn’t have the kind of obligations I do now – that of relationships and friends – that encourage me to stay put. It’s been about five years since I moved up here for grad school. That’s longer than I have ever stayed put since college,although I’ve moved around the DC area about once every year with no annual move being made this time. Most days I’m just wondering… where’s the get rich quick deal so I have some real income to burn through when I just hop in my car one day and just keep going?
*You’re asking for trouble when you buy a Mazda.
**Quoting AC: “The cake is a lie”.
(comic from www.asofterworld.com, archive #25)