Despite one of two trips to the Garden State this weekend, there isn’t much worth publicly reporting.
Gramma’s sister and husband-in-law who corrected me when I guessed them to be in their mid-60s (they’re actually in t heir mid-70s) recommended The Hangover after having seen it the night before, advising that, with the explicit final shot during the standard road trip/narcotic-induced amnesia photo montage, it probably isn’t something for Grandma. Though I’ll be willing to accept the challenge, given Grandma’s generous taste in anything without indiscernible audio. Kretz and I saw it hours afterwards, and I tried explaining it’s similarities to Shag, to no avail.
Lafayette, one of the best True Blood characters, appears to be hanging in there, though with some expected wavering. Unfortunately, seeing a show now in regular succession rather than waiting for the DVDs to release, I’m stuck trying to resolve dastardly cliffhangers through the preferred method of shady, online Japanese bootleggers. Though, they have proven effective for tracking down the hard-to-find third season of IT Crowd.
I have learned that while a hangover may rock your core from a previous night of unwise drinking (or drinking unprepared), it will nonetheless serve as an effective immunity to the power of repeated tequila shots.
Delaware continues to be the bane of my existence. Not only does it cost more than a dollar a mile to drive along the Turnpike, but it sometimes takes more than an hour to plow all of the 11 miles. As my first act as President, I will see to it that the duty-free state is booted from the union. Via con dios, jerks!
Somewhere, there is a high school graduate in New Jersey that is mistakenly under the impression that Wawa’s Iced Coffee gets you tweaked. Teenagers and their dern sugar highs!
Lola Carolla gets excellent gas mileage. I made it from Greenbelt, Maryland to Mount Holly, New Jersey on only half a tank a gas (and the same coming back), even despite the hair-pulling traffic jams of the wee state that shall not be named!
Kretz built a bad ass hanging garden, fit for apartment living, though he refuses to share the how-to for that kind of slick layout (complete with safety system rigging for particularly treacherous storms or, if movies are right, invading mutant tomatoes) on Instructables. A humble act indeed, given the immense fame and fortune* at stake! As for the fruits of my own labor, I have learned that if any vegetable is going to turn mutant and destroy humanity, it’s going to be zucchini. Well hung as my zucchini plants have become, I’m pretty sure they’re bound to kill everything else. But at least we’ll be able to subsist on zucchini for a long time! Or at least I hope they don’t deny us of this after the takeover… Mutiny!
Uncle Dave loves giving driving directions! In the face off of modern technology and navigational systems, Tom Tom beats iPhone 3GS when you’re lost in the New Jersey countryside hoping your uncle doesn’t say I told-you-so for not following his directions.
Kretz says hand sanitizer will indeed get sap off of your car.
Scientists no longer say Uranus… but rather pronounce it as Urinnus, forgetting that people will correct them on the pronunciation, and probably with some degree of emphasis on the syllables to remind them why it was so funny, which in turn is a reminder why it was changed in the first place.
The kid only known as McLovin’ needs some P.R. training should he do anymore talk show appearances to promote films. Insurance companies, let alone film studios and those obssessive mother-run censorship lobbies, are probably none too thrilled to hear the admission that a brief move to the UK to work on an upcoming film led to a realization of his love of copious amounts of alcohol.
*Fame and fortune are relative.